Category Archives: Relationship

Save Your Relationship – Avoid Spending Too Much Time With Your Partner

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I know you wouldn’t believe if I told you that spending too much time with your partner would hurt the relationship. People have the conventional belief that spending more time together helps to understand each other better. However, they do not know that all of us are actually individuals who need personal space.

It is important to learn how to achieve the balance between US (needs of relationship) and ME (individual needs). A simple equation can explain this:

“ME + ME = US”

Too much “ME” can result in you and your partner drifting apart, while too much “US” can stifle your partner, causing resentment and undesirable conflicts.

You must learn to achieve an equilibrium of family, friends, love, work and self. How can you maintain your individuality?

1. Go and take part in an activity which you can enjoy even if you are alone. Take up some courses which interest you such as surf boarding, yoga or dance classes. After sometime, you will discover that you are a much happier person with more private time for yourself. This is because you have actually learned new skills and this is part of self-growth.

2. Try hanging out more frequently with your best friends. Give your friends some updates on your life. It will be easier for your friends to accept your partner into your social circle this way.

3. Try spending the weekends with your families. Take the initiative to visit your family if you are not living together with them and bring them out for a picnic or dinner.

How much “ME” time you need depends on what you and your partner are comfortable with. For example, some couples seem to do well spending every waking moment together.

You can take a look at the following tips to understand the amount of “ME” time you need.

1. Communicate with your partner and discuss the amount of time both of you would like to spend together each week. Discuss with your partner and once both of you are agreeable, stick to the consensus.

2. You need to recognize that your partner has other commitments outside your relationship. Grant your partner more individual space if necessary. Each individual needs space and time for self-growth.

3. Trust your partner and be confident with yourself. Never think that your partner will mess around with the private time that you have freed up for him/her.

If you decide to grant each other some private time, you should be prepared to trust your partner.

It might be loving to spend time together, but you need to remember that all of us need space to do our own stuff too.

Your world should never revolve around one person or relationship!

How To Get Your Ex Back- And Rebuild The Relationship

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You want to know how to rebuild your relationship and get your ex to come back. What can you do?

This can be a difficult enterprise. Sometimes the things you need to do will seem counter productive. You need to be strong and have faith in the process and yourself.

One important strategy is to step back and stay calm. Raging emotions are usually unhelpful. No desperation here, just logical thinking, in determining what you need to do to have the best chance of rebuilding your relationship.

You should realize that the break up could be permanent and you will have to prepare yourself for this eventuality. It is important here to understand that in the long term it is better to cut your loses and move on than keep pursuing a lost course. Look at it this way, it’s better to be alone than be in the wrong relationship.

Having said that, most relationships can be saved and worth a second chance.

If your ex is resisting making contact, then you need to show that you are OK with that. Acceptance of the situation can take the pressure off and prevent further damage being done.

Constant phone calls/text messages can drive your ex further from the idea of getting back together with you. It is better to have them wondering what you are doing. Remember the saying that absence makes the heart stronger. Keep your ex guessing.

Then get on with your daily activities as if everything is as it should be!)

See your friends and have fun but be careful. Don’t overdo things here as that could be very unproductive. Trying to make your ex jealous is not worth the trouble and could easily backfire.

When your ex hears that you are doing well,he/she may rethink the situation, and start to make reconciliation moves towards you.

Sometimes just by taking the pressure off is all that you need to do. It gives your ex time to realize how good the relationship was and that it is worth another try.

Usually, if the relationship is going to go anywhere, it will be up to the person who walked away to make the first contact.

When contact is renewed be sure to take things slowly. No rushing straight back to where you left off. Give yourselves the time to get to know each other as friends again.

Then it would be the time to discuss the situation, what and why things went wrong. It is important to understand how you both feel and what you both want and need from the relationship.

Having taken the time individually to think things through, you will both be clear about how to proceed.

This way you have a much better chance of getting your ex back and rebuilding you relationship.

Marriage Counseling Utilize The Waiter Rule To Evaluate A Date Or Partner

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Working my way through college, I waited tables and tended bar. Though I have several degrees with an emphasis on human behavior and psychology, I swear I learned more about people from slinging hash and pouring drinks. I can remember accidentally spilling a few drops of an ice cream drink on a lady’s skirt and being totally humiliated as she screamed at me in the restaurant. I also recall a very kind man who didn’t get upset even though there were repeated problems with his order.

Rudeness to service staff reveals information about a person’s character reported in a recent article in USA Today. Office Depot CEO Steve Odland, who also waited tables as a teenager, states, “You can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she treats a waiter.” It seems that he is not the only CEO to discover the “Waiter Rule.”

The Waiter Rule has been identified by many executives, including Raytheon CEO Bill Swanson. There is one rule that Swanson says never fails: “A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, or to others, is not a nice person.” Swanson first identified this phenomenon when he was eating with a man who became irate to a waiter because the restaurant did not stock a particular wine.

“Watch out for people who have a situational value system, who can turn the charm on and off depending on the status of the person they are interacting with,” Swanson writes. “Be especially wary of those who are rude to people perceived to be in subordinate roles.”

The Waiter Rule has also been noticed on the dating scene. A November survey of
2,500 by It’s Just Lunch, a dating service for professionals, found that being rude to waiters ranks No. 1 as the worst in dining etiquette. Some waiters report that women will actually pull them aside to see how much their dates tipped to obtain insight into his use of money and other tendencies.

The Waiter Rule can also apply to how people treat those in other service roles like bellmen, hotel maids, clerks and secretaries according to USA Today. This can be more indicative of someone’s character than all the charm you experience in the relationship.

Using the Waiter Rule can be an accurate predictor of character because it isn’t easily learned or unlearned. It is more likely a person’s true colors and speaks to how they were raised and their value system. How a potential partner treats a waiter may be how they will treat you.

Some behaviors that indicate a problem:

*Playing the power card. Comments like “I could buy this place,” or “Do you know who I am?” reveal more about the diner’s character than his wealth or power. It is unlikely that he will be compassionate to you if he is consumed with power and control.

*Having a short fuse. This person may have an ego that is out of control. It is a way of saying that she is better than the wait staff; she is special. These people tend not to be collaborative in relationships.

*Demanding about every detail. You may be looking at a micro-manager who consistently sends the message that your efforts are not good enough. He may be critical and demeaning rather than supportive and encouraging.

*Speaking in a condescending manner. The message here is clear; she thinks she is better than those in subordinate positions. She may have a need to feel important by putting others down.

*Making a public scene. If he embarrasses you in the restaurant, he will embarrass you at home. At best he has poor manners, at worst, his judgment is faulty. Either way, he will not make a good partner.

*Easily turning on and off the charm. These folks have situational values, which may also indicate situational ethics. People with firm character adhere to their value system regardless of the circumstances. Avoid these people like the plague.

*Constantly looking around the room. Rather than being focused on the table conversation, he is distracted and not engaged. He may be looking to see who else is there or whether he is being noticed. Regardless, he will have the same behavior with you in other settings.

*Poor tipper. She may justify leaving a poor tip with various complaints about the service or the waiter. Anyone who has ever worked in a service industry knows that it is very hard work with a low base pay. If the service is adequate, a 15% tip is customary. A twenty percent or more gratitude is standard for exceptional service.

Try using the Waiter Rule whether you are evaluating a partner in a relationship. You may save yourself a lot of future problems by dining out.

How to Deal With Cheating Before Marriage

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Cheating is something that shakes relationships that are in any stage. Whether your relationship has lasted for many years or you are just in the initial stages, cheating can easily bring a lot of ‘bad blood’ between you. Although dealing with affairs can be quite challenging, you do not have to let it bring down your relationship.

Cheating is very damaging because it hits at the foundation of a relationship – trust. Cheating is a betrayal of trust irrespective of the stage at which your relationship is. While people usually think of marriage when speaking about cheating, trust is something that develops before you make the commitment. If a partner cheats before marriage, it will still be a mark of betrayal of trust.

Whether you are married or not, cheating can still take place. Does what you do feel as if you are not honest with your partner? If you feel that you need to keep what is going on from your partner then you are effectively cheating.

Whatever the case, you should understand that it is only you and your partner who can decide whether you want to strengthen your relationship or part ways. This means that you will need to discuss the issue and reach a solution that you both agree on. Maintaining a stony silence will not magically make the problem disappear, and none of you will feel any better.

If you want to deal with cheating before marriage, here are some of the measures that you should consider.

Make a decision one way or the other

It will understandably be difficult to deal with cheating, even more so if your relationship has been around for quite some time. You will need to decide whether you want to end the relationship or go on and develop a stronger bond. When cheating occurs before marriage, you can use this as a stepping stone toward building a stronger relationship. You may decide to make a stronger commitment that will make your relationship have more official grounds. This form of commitment does not necessarily have to be marriage, but it should at least be formal.

Have time for your partner

We live in a busy world where people have hectic schedules. You may be so busy with other commitments that you push your relationship to the background. You may leave just leftover time for your partner, which will strain your relationship. You should include your partner in your itinerary, scheduling time for just the two of you. When you spend quality time together, neither of you will have the time to contemplate another relationship.

Are You In A One-sided Relationship – Are You Still You After All This Time

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While some people can immediately identify a person with whom they would never be compatible, many suffer from low self-esteem and end up changing their own personalities, wants and actions to fit their partner. It is true that almost any successful relationship requires a certain amount of flexibility and compromise; but if a person is required to alter themselves greatly in order to maintain the relationship often something is wrong. The changes that occur in many of these cases can be so subtle and over such a great length of time, that often the people changing are unaware of how different they have become.
In order to understand how a person can be involved in such a relationship, it is important to remember that many of the people who experience this had a problem before the relationship began:

Insecurity: Many people in our society suffer from one form of insecurity or another; abnormal physical traits; lack of proper education; difficulty with communication and poor support network are just a few of the causes of such feelings. In order to have a strong enough sense of self that a person would never allow themselves to be overhauled by another person they must, for the most part, like who they are. The image that many people have of themselves is a very poor one and this makes it easy for others to prey upon their weakness. Unfortunately, in many cases, the addition of a stronger partner allows the more insecure person to hang all of their self esteem on the fact that their partner would have them; this is not a healthy way to depend on another person for support and in most cases will lead to disaster as it does not usually help to create strength and confidence.

Psychological Damage: A problem that often stems from an abusive relationship, a damaged psyche makes for an excellent weakness for others to prey on. We have heard this referenced many times in society by referring to the ugly duckling syndrome i.e. a person who once thought of them self as unattractive and became so used to dealing with this poor self image that when they became more attractive, by society’s standards, they did not act in the normal way an attractive person would. This by many people’s definition is an attractive person who retains a poor self image; therefore the person will have lower standards when it comes to dating. Many different types of trauma can cause a person to feel unworthy of attention and react in an unhealthy way when it received; this makes a perfect breeding ground for people who are looking for a person that they can control in a relationship; because they lack the self esteem to refuse.

Not all one-sided relationships are obvious or extreme, in fact more often the problems are numerous but very subtle. This can create an underlying feeling that something is wrong with the relationship, though many people struggle to understand exactly what that problem is. There are a few large and regular parts of relationships that are reoccurring and therefore when dominated can create an ongoing problem:

Where you live: In relationships where one person is dominant evidence of this imbalance can be seen in the home they share. The more dominant person will often choose everything from wall paint to major appliances; none of which seem to reflect the weaker person’s personality. To assume that dcor is an indication of such a relationship would not be completely accurate as in some cases one person does not have strong feelings about their belongings; however even those with little or no interest often have some reflection of their personality in their home.

What you do: Often in a one-sided relationship most or all of the activities the couple participates in revolve around one person. This allows for even greater destruction of the original, weaker partner and ultimately a great path to depression. Enduring this kind of change is difficult because not only does the weaker partner watch their own interests dissolve; but often they do not feel as close to the person they love as they cannot share their true desires with them.

Conversation: Whether you’re out with friends or staying at home in a relationship of this kind one partner rarely communicates what they are thinking or feeling. Often friends or relatives will notice when these changes occur because they can see a person retreating not just into themselves, but into their partner’s thoughts and feelings. Often the weaker partner will only speak when discussing issues that their partner finds interesting, giving up entirely on what they once find enjoyable or exciting.
If you have felt that any of these situations apply to your own relationship review this quick checklist to see some of the most typical points of view from those who observe this kind of behavior:

1.I always or often speak only about the things my partner is interested in.
2.I always or often only talk about my partner.
3.All or most of the things I do for fun I do with my partner.
4.All or most of things I do for fun are because of my partner.
5.If I look around my home I see little or no sign of my own taste.
6.When spending money on frivolous items they are usually for my partner.
7.My partner does most of the talking when we are together.
8.I do not often tell my partner how I feel.
9.My partner does not usually notice when something is bothering me.
10.My partner never or does not often compliment me.
11.I never feel happy/I only feel happy when my partner is giving me attention.
12.I have little or no interests outside of my relationship.
13.My partner does not often or never gives me gifts that are only for me.
14.My friends and/or family think that I have changed a lot since entering my relationship for the worse.
15.My other relationships have weakened since entering the one with my partner.
16.When asked what I want I usually look at my partner.
17.I no longer resemble who I was when I met my partner.
18.I tend to think of my partner before I ever think of myself.
19.I dress in the way my partner prefers even if I do not.
20.I no longer know what makes me, me.

If you find that any of these statements are true it might be a sign that either you need change your relationship, or you need to break it off. Enduring this kind of life is not healthy nor does it have much of a chance of making you happy. It is possible that your partner did not mean to become the dominant presence in your relationship and if brought to their attention they might be eager to help you become a stronger person. There are many different ways in which a person who finds themselves in this situation can change things, try to figure out what works best for you and take the necessary steps to make your life better.

Trust those who know you best: Outside of your relationship it is good to have at least one person with whom you can be honest and trust completely. Asking this person how they view your relationship and the changes that have occurred during the time you’ve been in it can be an excellent way to gain the insight required for change.

Perfection Reflection: Write down what you believe the basics are for an ideal relationship and see how they compare with your current one. Though no relationship is perfect and they often take a great deal of work, this should be equally divided amongst both people, not hoisted onto one.

Self Image: Begin an activity or project that has nothing to do with your partner, but is something that you are interested in. As this interest grows in something outside of your relationship you might find a little of the old you returns. Learn to like who you are and the wonderful qualities that make you unique; this may be difficult at first and might even require some changing (again,) but in the end you must be able to like yourself if you hope to remain who are.

Speak with your partner about how you feel: Whether or not you believe you can make your relationship work it is often helpful to tell your partner how you feel about the situation. Though you might not find the support you hoped for it is advisable to know where you partner stands on making you happy. Give your partner the opportunity to help you feel better about yourself and your relationship, or the very least know that they are a large part of how you ended up feeling the way that you do.

Without taking steps to reconstruct yourself in happier, healthier way you may never be able to enjoy life in or out of your relationship. Though it can be difficult to muster the courage to change your life, the knowledge that a happier you could exist might give you the strength need to take action. Good luck and much strength to all of you who are brave enough to take on the challenge.