Real love is something that most teenagers thought they invented. The fact is real love is something that happens once the infatuation simmers down. Suddenly, love seems to happen in time.

Falling in love could happen anytime, like waking up in the morning and you realize that you must have that uniquely exciting person in your life. It’s a extraordinary feeling and hopefully the other person feels the same way. True love can develop over time for the both of you if the love between is nurtured.

Love must be cherished and maintained if couples want it to last. Love can die a slow painful death if over time couples start taking each other for granted. Love is a state of mind that must be worked on everyday by each person in the relationship.

Surprise your spouse with something not expected, so don’t wait for the birthday or anniversary. It’s always a special treat to receive an unexpected gift, for most people. This is not about the money, this is about the idea your were thinking about him or her.

Do spur-of-the-moment things, like taking off from work and having a picnic in the park. Use your imagination, and think of things you did together in the past that you loved doing together. It will start new memories that you can share together.

If you want your relationship to survive, keep focused what’s going on in your partner’s world. Couples break up in time because there’s no interest anymore in their partner’s life anymore. If you want to save your relationship, you have to take the time to make time for your partner.

The physical act of touch is wonderful between a couple as it helps keep the relationship together. Touching, whether it’s a simple touch to a massage, is a wonderful part of the relationship. Never neglect touching as a part of your relationship as it is one of the most fundamental aspects of love.

Physical affection is meant to share, so be generous with some hugs and kisses before leaving the house. Why would anyone just give this up? Ask some people who lost their love and they will tell you what it’s like to learn about love the hard way once it is gone.

Even though controlling relationships are almost universally considered to be negative and very undesirable, they are far more prevalant than people realize. They are primarily the by-product of children being raised in homes with one or more controlling parents, and/or a highly unstable environment due to negative events.

The person who is trying to do the controlling is almost always trying to compensate for the “out of control” nature of the environment they grew up in. Internal fears of life spiralling out of control plague people with regular control problems. Their context for life was set in childhood and they often continue living out of that paradigm even though it’s no longer relevant.

The unstable home environment could have been a result of an alcoholic parent(s), an absent workaholic parent(s), the breakdown of the marriage, or some form of physical or emotional abuse. If a parent withholds love and affection as a means of keeping the child under their thumb, this destructive behaviour can carry over into adult relationships and cause a lot of problems.

The person who chooses to marry or date the controller is doing so because of one or a combination of the following reasons. 1. This is what they grew up with and it’s what they’re accustomed to. Although it’s not pleasant, being controlled is strangely comfortable. 2. They are attempting to change the controller, to reform them. This is often done unknowingly. The unconcious intention is to try and repair a disappointing relationship they had with their parent(s). 3. Being in a relationship with a controller makes them look good, because when they measure their own behaviour against the controller’s, they look like their doing a pretty good job of running their life, even though they’re probably not. 4. As times life seems easier while in a relationship with a controller because the controller makes most if not all the decisions for both people. It gives them someone to blame when things don’t work out right because…they didn’t make the decision!?!?

There are a few things to consider if you are looking to steer clear of a controlling relationship.

1. If being controlled is what you are used to, what you grew up with, then it’s vital to realize that “you are not responsible for the environment you grew up in.” In dysfunctional homes, the children tend to take responsibility for the parent’s problematic behaviours. In controlling homes it’s common for the parent(s) to blame the child as a means of off loading responsibility and thus paralyzing the child. In order to drive it deep into your subconcious mind, I suggest you repeat that phrase over and over. “The environment you grew up in was not your responsibility, not your doing.” As importantly, “you are 100% response-able, able to respond, to your life as an adult.” You can learn the skills and run your life well without the need to have a controlling person manipulating you.

2. If it’s your intention to try and reform a controller….please stop. Trying to control something you have no control over is the best possible way to create insanity in an individual. The only control any of us have is over ourselves. We can gain tremendous increases in our sense of control over our own lives if we will spend our time working on our own hangups and misgivings. Efforts to correct a controlling person are really only futile attempts to control them.

3. As an attempt to cover up your lack of personal initiative, don’t hide behind a controlling person’s unhealthy actions to make yourself look good. Find a reason for living that brings joy to you and others. Do some research into your life purpose. Why are you here? We’ve most likely never met, you and I, yet I am quite sure you have abilities and gifts that can be used to make the world a better place to live.

4. Learn how to make decisions for yourself. Being in a relationship with a controlling person can be pretty terrific because they are more than happy to make most if not all the decisions. That seems to make things easy, except that you aren’t developing the habit of making good decisions. This step is primarily about your will and rarely about skill. “But I don’t know how!” you protest. You will learn. Bit by bit, day by day. The process of learning to make better choices is the same as learning any new skill, it gets better and better with more practice. Practice does not make perfect, but it sure makes life a lot more pleasant!